Taylor Swift is so right about you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
