could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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