Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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