she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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