I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yo dont text me then not text me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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