her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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