I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
