I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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