I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
