pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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