so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
