I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
