His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
