Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
