got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
