You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
