our cab driver is having phone sex.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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