this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
