I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
