Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
