I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
