Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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