yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
