im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
