It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
