i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
