Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
