Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Bring me that man meat
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
