I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
too bad you live with your parents still
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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