Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
