It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
