i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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