If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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