I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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