Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
