She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
