I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i now understand why vodka
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize