Banned from zoo.
Again?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
