i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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