I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
