Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
