His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
