My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
