i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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