I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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