I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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