The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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