so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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