12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize