i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
