Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
