No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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