Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
