I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
