So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
3 2 1 whiskey
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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