come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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