He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
