so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
