I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
