this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
