life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
do herpes really smell.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
my poor anus
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
