If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
