Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize