The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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