my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
