we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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