i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
