think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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