when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
