Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize