Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
