drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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